Some days I won’t want to talk.
But please stay.
Make my heart pound so loud it forces me to remember I’m alive.
You really don’t know what you have until it’s gone and then what, will everything have been worth it?
I’m a very private person. You don’t ask, I don’t tell.
Growing up I always thought true love was red roses, dates on Saturday nights, little block box that held expensive things, and always knowing what to say. I thought true love was a kiss in the rain, deep explanations, and the perfect story. But now that I’m older I’ve realized it’s not like that at all.
See because true love for me is ugly snapchats, and peeing while you’re on the phone. True love is kissing at 6 AM despite the morning breath and singing at the top of your lungs. It’s saying all the wrong things, at all the wrong moments. It’s sarcasm and being honest even when it hurts. It’s late hours of the night when it’s been a long day and it’s no make up and bad hair. It’s tears from laughter, it’s tears from sadness and it’s nothing like any storybook you’ve ever read. It’s never running out of things to talk about, and it’s being comfortable in the silence of things. True love is watching The Titanic though you swore you never would. It’s getting mad over stupid things. It’s “you’re an idiot,” and “you’re a little shit” and knowing you’re so lucky to hear those every day. It’s spilling your feelings at 4 AM when you should be asleep. It’s that song you hear on the radio that always makes you smile. It’s the worst story you could imagine, but thank God it worked out anyways. True love is never losing the magic. True love is not leaving when things get hard.
I like my definition better anyways.
I’m just really sensitive about certain things and if I’m talking to you about something I really love or am super interested in at least act really interested in what I’m saying or else I will feel like I never want to share anything about myself or my interests with you ever again.
I think the scariest thing about falling in love is that there’s always an opportunity to fall out of it. There is no signed contract, no promises that can’t be broken, no guarantees that that person will stick around and that scares me to death. One day, they can just wake up and be over your little weird habits, and the way you say the letter “I.” They’ll realize you’re selfish, they’ll realize they deserve so much more. And that’s the scariest thought I’ve ever had.
Pain changes people and that is not simply just a statement, it’s true.
I’m still bitter and hateful, things that I wasn’t before anything ever happened. But now it’s too late to go back and I don’t know what to do with all the anger that’s been unleashed, and all the animosity and bitterness won’t go away. I don’t think anyone fully understands exactly how bad certain things got to me and how bad I wish I could just let them go and be my loving compassionate self again, but I can’t. And I hate it. But I refuse get hurt that way again by anything.